Pervasive. All-encompassing. Horrible, destructive apathy.
This is what my days have become. My work, here at my job, has become a farce. Back when I thought there was hope for this miserable little company and, thus, a future for myself, I could make fun of the glaring inefficiencies, canyon-wide faults and schisms, with a relative sense of humor and diplomatic aplomb.
“Because,” I thought, “there’s hope, to fix it, for a future here.” But a very important thing happened in the last month – my review.
Now, there is none of that. This pathetic waste of money is an evil, hateful enterprise that ruins good, smart people and their rising careers.
Oh, the anger, the fury, that blazed in my heart that day when I sat in my manager’s office, having a heated discussion that lasted an hour and a half. I even managed to curse my boss out and, surprisingly, he took my f-bombs with a deft and obliging sort of ease. He knew my anger wasn’t directed at him, but rather at our CEO, the detestable runt of a woman who decided to revise my entire review. I won’t get into heavy detail, but instead use one word that sums it up in my mind: Hypocrisy. I went beyond my ascribed duties to try to make a name for this organization (involved video production) and was told that I couldn’t be graded/rewarded for those efforts because they didn’t fall into my job description. Then, no more than a week later, was asked by the CEO to produce a video for her.
After the anger, the void left by the dying embers remained just that – a void. I feel nothing now. No motivation to do anything of value or quality, nothing…Managers, take heed, this is an invaluable lesson in human psychology. Incent (aka Reward) good employees and they will continue to do good work. Fail to do this, or, in my instance, do the exact opposite, and they will resent you, the company and the work for it. They will turn into a cancer.
Now I know what you’re thinking: “Malaise” implies a certain benign quality. If I tended to remain silent in my little pocket of misery, I would agree. But being the vocal sort, this actually works like an infectious disease…my thoughts, words and flotsam of discontent are strewn about this wasteland, waiting for some unsuspecting co-worker to happen upon them and, subsequently, get infected.
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